7 of the Worst Songs of the 90s

Ah, the 90s. The age of Grunge, “Melrose Place,” and the O.J. Simpson trial. In between, there were Beanie Babies, a White House sex scandal, and the ear-bleeding sound of primitive dial-up modems as we began hopping on the shiny new internet (remember AOL and “You’ve got mail”?).

Pop music was transitioning from the synth-driven sounds of the 80s and the glam fist-pumping of Hair Metal. What took their places were the bleak sounds of Seattle, chirpy boy bands and girl groups who were even more image-driven (if that’s possible) than anything churned out by MTV in the 80s.  It was also the Decade of the Diva: Mariah and Whitney constantly battled like Godzilla and Mothra for top billing on the charts.

It wasn’t all bad: the 90s brought us interesting indie artists like Beck, Radiohead, and Nirvana. New Jack Swing recalled the era of great R&B groups. But, as with all decades, there was some utter dreck. In no particular order, here are 7 of the worst songs of the 90s.

ACHY BREAKY HEART/Billy Ray Cyrus: Cyrus (dad to Miley) was just 20 when this earworm injected some cheesy fun into the Country music genre. It was a big crossover hit and kicked off the popularity of line dancing. But considering how ubiquitous it was, no wonder someone would want to grab Cyrus by that annoying ponytail and Make. Him. Stop.

MACARENA/Los del Rio: Since the 90s, you’ve likely not been to a wedding or a bar mitzvah, where this ISN’T played. In 1996, 50,000 fans at Yankee Stadium tried to break the record for the most people doing the dance at the same time. That’s one heck of a 7th Inning Stretch.

BARBIE GIRL/Aqua: This ode to being happily shallow and “plastic” came from the Danish group Aqua, just one of many pop stars from Nordic countries (Sweden’s Roxette, Ace of Base, The Cardigans) who invaded the pop charts during the 90s. However, Mattel (the makers of Barbie and Ken) wasn’t having any of their chirpy message about celebrating superficiality and sued the band.

ICE, ICE BABY/Vanilla Ice: Robby Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, has sworn up and down that he DIDN’T rip off the bass line to Queen’s “Under Pressure” for this infectious hit. But there was finally some justice when Jim Carrey did a memorable spoof of his lame White Boy Rap on the hit TV show, In Living Color.

HOLD ON/Wilson Phillips: Yes, as the daughters of John Phillips and Brian Wilson, this trio descends from rock royalty. And yes, their harmonies are lovely. But this over-the-top ode to sobriety is enough to drive someone to chew their way out of rehab after lights out.

THE BOY BANDS/N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, New Kids on the Block:  Their vocal skills and tight, choreographed moves were an irresistible formula, and it seemed like there was a new boy band on the scene every 20 minutes. It got to the point you couldn’t distinguish one from the other. I still can’t. Overkill.

THE LOLITAS: Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, and Christina Aguilera: These girls each had the pipes of a 20-something, but they dressed like sexy, middle-school tweens. Their initial hits (respectively “Baby, One More Time,” “Candy,” “Genie In a Bottle”) featured plenty of overheated sexual innuendo translated into pig tails and belly shirts, or a Catholic schoolgirl uniform.

Yes, these gals (especially Aguilera) can sing, and the hooks are unmistakable, but the visuals on their debuts were…a little disturbing.

So, what gets your vote for Terrible 90s Songs? Spill it in the comments!

-Cindy Grogan

Photo: Backstreet Boys with New Kids On the Block (Joella Marano via Wikimedia Commons)